Immaculate Conception in the Heartland

Today I was repeatedly confronted with the news that Kansas had passed a law setting 15 as the minimum age of marriage. CNN reported it in a fairly nonjudgmental manner, merely explaining the circumstances and stating the facts. MSNBC.com had the much more inflammatory title "Kansas sets minimum marriage age at 15 (it was 0!)" as if Kansans have been marrying off infants for generations. My friend John sent me a link to the article, asking if I'd seen it and wondering who the 4 senators who voted against the measure were and why they would vote against such a measure. I related a list of fairly snarky reasons, making fun of some of the ridiculous stereotypes attached to the fair state of my birth.

However, his question piqued my interest. I went to the trusty kansas.com, home of the Wichita Eagle, to see if I could find some details on the debate surrounding the bill. Little did I know that truth was indeed stranger than fiction. This article cites a conversation with Sen. Kay O'Connor (R-Olathe) in which she notes that she voted against the minimum age because "many historians believe that the blessed Virgin Mary was 14 when she was married."

Upon hearing this, I was quite concerned. How terrible! If a young girl in Kansas immaculately conceives before the age of 15, she will have to give birth to that child outside of wedlock. Clearly, Kansas is thwarting the divine work of our Lord. The state will not go unpunished! It will be cast into the pits of fire along with the land of the Sodomites (San Francisco?) and the proud towers of new Babylon (Las Vegas?). It would have been much better to let creepy older men travel to Kansas make honest women out of the little girls they have impregnated through statutory rape.